Putting myself first doesn't mean I'm putting everyone else last.
This is something I'm rewiring my brain to believe and it's fucking hard.
The truth is I'm a people pleaser. I'll put your needs, your happiness, your desires, your dreams, your everything before mine.
I'll give you the world one hundred times over before I give myself anything. It makes me happy. It gives me life. It's how I feel love and give love. But it's gotten to the point where I've been left completely empty.
I have nothing left to give myself. I've swung so far away from self love and care that it's taken so much vulnerability and confrontation to do what's right for me.
And now I see that putting me first is actually putting everyone else first too.
I am alive on this planet to love and to give.
And in order for me to give to you I have to relearn how to give to me.
I'm learning how to be less rigid.
How to be free.
How to be open.
How to be messy.
How to be powerful.
How to be real instead of nice.
I'm trying new things and fucking up. I'm laughing at how many mistakes I'm making as I relearn how to be me. I'm afraid of sucking. I want to be perfect for you so you'll love me.
I see my imperfections are what actually give you the capacity to love me fully.
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This is me- being open and real and vulnerable and fluid- no longer rigid.
I am putting me first so I have an infinite amount of space to put you second.
